There are the days when the words do not come. Instead of sitting and beckoning them, I allow myself to be distracted until it is inevitably hours past her bedtime, her overtired body fighting everything she knows she needs to do, and I find myself not having written what I intended to write.
For now, I write this. We are all doing the best that we can – from the youngest among us to the oldest. We are mirrors to each other, triggering those we are closest with because perhaps that is what must happen if we are to find the way to the growth we need.
I recently experienced more viscerally than ever before this idea that our interactions with others are mirrors of what is going on within us. I have heard that before and believed it even. It was not until this recent moment that I felt it, that I really understood it.
One of those late night everyone involved is tired moments was occurring and it had an impact on the energy of the people involved. I could feel the energy of the other person and immediately I imagined resentment, anger, frustration, and annoyance were being thrown my way. And I found myself feeling and acting resentful, angry, frustrated, and annoyed.
After a little while I realized that the energy being experienced made complete sense. It was my own projections and assumptions that made a mess of the situation. When I became aware of this, it was as if a fog had lifted. I even said in the moment that I was sure there might be moments in the near future where I would forget this clear-seeing moment and maybe, if I was lucky, a few where I would remember this experience.
And so I sit here now, listening to her crying in the arms of her dadu as she fights sleep, seemingly her favorite enemy, and I wonder what my interactions with her are calling forth in me tonight. What is she triggering in me that needs to be triggered right now because I need to see it? What is it I am being called to learn?
Right now, I do not know. She has certainly been a teacher of patience, of deeply devoted love, and of seeing the world with fresh eyes. I am still trying to figure out what she is teaching me today.
May you embrace the moments and the people, the joyful ones and the difficult ones, as teachers on this journey you travel.